after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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