Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
