my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
