the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
