the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
