just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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