need another drink. this is the easiest way
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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