We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
