dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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