is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He felt like a one man threesome
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
