windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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