the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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