Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
