3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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