he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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