Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
