Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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