I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
