Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
