im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Bring me that man meat
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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