hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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