Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
