So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
