is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
