I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
