he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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