That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We left an ass print on the piano.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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