Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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