On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
