just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This is classic penis vs brain.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
