Yo dont text me then not text me
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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