Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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