How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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