there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
