his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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