yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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