Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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