i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
