Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
