What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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