Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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