Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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