I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
