she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
