"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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