she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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