I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She made me pour olive oil on her.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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