she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
