I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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