i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
