I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
