In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
